Sunflower update

Above: Children from the Oromo tribe.  Going by region and physical features alone, we assume Sunflower is of this tribe.  They are in regular conflict with the Gumuz tribe, also in the region.  Please pray for all of the children caught in homes and orphanages in Ethiopia because of the wars of their parents.

Please pray for Sunflower and her papers.  She, along with her papers to submit her to Ethiopian court in Addis Ababa, are still stuck in Kamashi.  There are serious ethnic conflicts going on between the Gumuz and the Oromo tribes along the route from Kamashi to Addis, so neither Sunflower nor her papers can get to Addis.  The roads are blocked and the violence is trying to be controlled by the governments.  Courts close in Ethiopia every year mid-summer for their rainy season.  We need a miracle to clear the roads and get Sunflower submitted to court in time.  If we miss the deadline, we won't be able to travel to get her until the fall.  Our pediatrician is very concerned about something going on with Sunflower's stomach, so please pray with us that she gets submitted, gets to Addis, makes the deadline, and gets home ASAP!  Thank You!

Hello, Shadow!

C. has discovered the finer nuances of the shadow concept lately, though I have yet to discover how to remember to hold the camera horizontally when capturing a video clip.  So, because they both have cute moments in them, assume the tilt position and enjoy C. and His Shadow Parts 1 and 2, presented in dual cinema-graphic perspectives.

Family Camp

The beginning of summer was marked this past weekend with our church family retreat at the camp where the teens go to church camp in our area.  Church camp was a HUGE part of my teen years, memories I can share with my St. Louis readers, and it was interesting to be on the other side of it all this weekend, watching my children catch frogs and throw rocks in a campfire.  I have to say I think I liked it!  Tim got to spend quality and quantity time with the boys this weekend, which with his new work schedule is a rarity.  Literally, from 7:00am to after midnight, my boys (all 3) were playing baseball, hiking, at bonfires, in Bible class, etc... they had a great time.  J. followed Tim everywhere and rarely broke his "I'm a man" face all weekend (see the middle pic)!  I don't think his Superman hat came off much either! ;) I got to sit and do nothing with girl friends without feeling guilty about not vacuuming or doing the laundry!  Bliss!

On another note, we STILL don't have a court date for Sunflower.  Grrr....  God's timing, right? We did get an explanation though, and a new timeframe, but that doesn't change the fact that yesterday would have been better for me!  But....along with this bad news we got very good news: our Ethiopian contact is moving Sunflower from the orphanage in Kamashi to Addis on Thursday!  YEAH!  We knew she would get to be moved for court, but they decided to move her to a guest house as soon as possible, and Thursday is that day.  I feel much more comfortable with her in Addis-near medical care and where other American traveling adoptive families will see her-than with her being in one of the remotest, darkest places on the planet: Kamashi, Ethiopia.  

Please pray with us that she has a safe trip.  It's an 10 hour arduous journey to Addis Ababa from Kamashi.  Also that we get a court date soon!  We are at a standstill until she passes court in Ethiopia.  July travel is still possible, but barely.  Regardless of the frustration that comes through in this written word, I really am confident that she will get here when she is supposed to...probably just after I get C. potty trained! :) 

Burma is still a mess.  This disaster, Burmese government intensified, is expected to create thousands of orphans and kill even more.  Missionary friends of mine are scheduled to arrive in Yangon this week.  Our church in Yangon was located-praise!-and they are in  need of food, water and shelter.  Please pray for all the affected Burmese-that their needs are met, that eternal hope is restored or given to them, and that they are comforted.

Have a great Memorial Day week!

Warning-graphic video

...and let's not forget denying cyclone aid workers access into Burma so that no one can take pictures and get first hand accounts of all the horrible things this regime has done.  Please continue to pray for my friends in Burma, and that aid gets to ALL the victims, not just the victims who have never spoken out for democracy or who are of the "right" tribe.  We are STILL waiting to hear from church members we know and love in Yangon.  See my sidebar, under Partners in Progress, for ways you can help.  And just to make sure that your anger is placed in the right direction, it's China who supports the Burmese military regime. And it's Satan who is influencing China.  Yes, I'm telling myself that a lot lately: "Don't hate, Tiffany. Don't hate Than Shwe; don't hate China.  Hate Satan."  Only Satan could do things as horrible as what happens, as what I've seen with my own eyes, in Burma. 

From here to Addis with love

Another family from our agency is traveling next week to pick up their sweet boys in Ethiopia. Mary, the mom, was kind enough to offer to hand carry little care packages to the children still waiting at the orphanage for their families to travel.  As long as it fits in a gallon ziplock, she'll find a place for it and bring it to our little Sunflower.  I'm getting ours all ready to go, full of infant vitamin drops, a Mommy scented, super-soft, crocheted, mini-blanket; pacifiers, onsies, rattles, soap, shampoo, diaper creme, lotion, and a photo album full of pictures of her new family.  It's amazing what'll fit in a gallon baggie! Prayerfully, it'll all make it to Sunflower.  To see Mary's beautiful boys-and the rest of her family-check out her blog:  www.fillingthequiver.blogspot.com

THANK YOU, MARY for making room for this in your luggage! 

Still no news of a court date for us, so please continue to pray that we get that soon so I can travel and bring little packages for other families!  Blessings,

I'm out of control...

Good thing I have a lot of pregnant friends or Sunflower would have more blankets than any one baby could ever need!  I'm crocheting like the second ice-age is about to strike!  C. and J. insisted on having blankets for their baby girls also, so I made them those too.  Yes, I'm even crocheting for babies that aren't real...  Thank you, Grandma M. for teaching me how to crochet; I'm sure you're watching from Heaven wishing you could tell me how to crochet a blanket with straight edges! ;) No, they are far from perfect, but they are getting better, and it is a pleasant mindless activity I need to keep myself from stressing about getting Sunflower home.  We are still waiting on a court date, but will hopefully have news of that next week.  Please continue to keep her in your prayers, and if you're pregnant, your less-than-perfect-though-made-with-love-blanket will arrive shortly! ;) Blessings,

4 Days of Bliss

I just had the most hysterical, refreshing, and memorable long weekend of my life!  Thanks girls, for being there and making it so awesome!  As for the four girls that couldn't make it-WE MISSED YOU!!!  

Some of my favorite parts-warning: inside jokes ahead-

1. "You haa boyfrien?" (Youtube Anjelah Johnson's nail salon bit.  Hilarious!)

2. "Baaaaa!"  

3. Little bit trashy, caucasian, fifty year old, Hindu, contortionist at the theatre.  "Is she possessed?  No seriously, I think there's a demon in her-"

4. "Babies-days old!" at the General Store.  I will never forget us in our already very giggly state rounding that corner in that tiny Georgia town and reading this sign!  "It's that easy?!  Then what AM I doing?!  Do you know how far away Africa is?!!" I really thought I was going to wet myself... :)

5. The bubbling brook and velvety moss squishing between my toes.  It was freezing, but you girls should have joined me!

6. One unnamed girl in the back seat: "H-O-M-E..." Other unnamed girl in the backseat: "Home?"  Two girls in the front seat: "E.T. phone home" complete with the pointy finger gesture and a lot of laughter!

7. Curvy mountain road-as in straight up or straight down with constant blind hair-pin turns... in the rain... with cyclists,thanks to the Tour de Georgia... falling rocks...

pregnant passenger about to puke... signs to watch out for mice on horses...screaming baby... and laughing so hard I couldn't see.  Really girls, I wouldn't have admitted it then, but it is a miracle we made it home!  It was fun at the time, and I'll drive anywhere, but I felt like my eyes were super glued open when we got home because I hadn't blinked in so long trying to avoid flying off the side of a mountain!

8. Mini hikes without bears, but with friends and great conversation. 

9. South African Cabernet Sauvignon with triple chocolate cheesecake.  Uh...YUM!

10. Back porch rocking chairs.

11. My Sudanese gift journal and all the precious messages you girls wrote inside for Sunflower.

12. The dirty looks we were getting from other customers at the outdoor cafe because we were laughing so hard they couldn't eat!  

13. Pedicure morning!  THANK YOU Debbie for loaning us your foot massage bath and parafin wax machine.  Our toes are gorgeous because of you! 

I'm still laughing out loud thinking about events of this weekend!  My kids must think I'm a little coo-coo.  Though I didn't want to come home, I am ready to be home, get C. potty trained, get Sunflower's room ready, get J. reading, and be Super Home Maker!  That's all we need girls: a 4-5 day vacation in the mountains once a year!  Also, thanks Timmy for presenting me with a spotless house when I got home.  That meant a lot!!!  And Thanks Queen and Papa Joe for sharing your cabin with us!  It was a little piece of Heaven!  

From God's Arms

For those of you who don't know, Tim and I received an unofficial referral from Ethiopia on April 4th.  It was unofficial because we did not have medicals or a birth certificate on the child. We had twenty or so pictures and a video to fall in love with, but no medicals and papers to know if the child was adoptable and/or the child God intended for us.  We heard, "They're [the medicals] coming," "Next Monday," "There's no power in Ethiopia, so it may take a few more days," "Maybe next Monday." Days went by....weeks went by....I thought I was going to lose my mind!!!   And I KNOW better!  I know how slowly things move in the developing world; I know how our time isn't African time; I know that the clinic isn't right around the corner with a Fed-Ex office next door in this African village; and, I know that God is bigger than all of that and was able to get everything done, really in a relatively short amount of time, about 3 weeks.  Kudos to our agency for staying on top of it all and seeing it through!

So....today we got medicals and a birth certificate, and everything looks WONDERFUL!  Woo Hoo!  So we will officially accept the referral and I plan to travel this summer to bring the child home!  

Now for your questions: Don't let the blue fool you!  She is a healthy, 11 week old, Ethiopian baby girl!  No, we were NOT expecting a girl, but God had another plan! ;)  Why no pics on the blog? Ethiopian law says that I cannot post pictures of her until she passes court in Ethiopia and officially becomes our child.  PRAYERFULLY, that will happen in May.  Our agency director was sweet enough to make these hand and foot prints of her when she was at the orphanage a few weeks ago.  I touch them and pray for her everyday!  Trust us, she is GORGEOUS!!!  Her name? I don't know if I'm supposed to say that on the blog or not, so I won't.  Sunflowers are one of Ethiopia's primary exports, so we'll call her Sunflower on the blog.

Please pray:

1. That she stays healthy!  There is little electricity or running water at the orphanage.  The nearest clinic is about an hour away.  She has not been vaccinated against common diseases, and meningitis outbreaks have been known to invade orphanages.  So please please pray God keeps her from all harm until I can bring her home.

2. That she passes court the first try.  In court, the judge will go over all of her papers, verify that she is a legitimate orphan, speak with living birth relatives, and then declare her our daughter.  

3. That the U.S. Customs and Immigration papers get filed and pass through easily here so that I can get her visa.  This is where we got "stuck" for several months with J.'s adoption!  

4. For her birth family.  We pray that they have peace about this decision and are provided with what they need to live.  It is impossible to ignore that adoption is necessary because of tragedy.

5. Finally, thank God for putting families together so that babies who need a home and parents who have homes and hearts to share can be joined together-even if it means a lot of paperwork, red tape, and a round-the-world adventure!

Ahhhhh...I feel like I'm dancing on air!  This has been weighing me down, but yes, God, I learned my lesson...again.  YOUR children get put together in families in YOUR timing.  Thank you for providing for her and smiling on us by blessing us with her.  You are an AWESOME God!  I'm off to celebrate for four days with my girlfriends in a cabin in the mountains, so peace be with you.  We'll keep you updated!

Distractions, PLEASE!

Adoption News: None yet.  Sorry.  Please pray that we get news soon, and that the electricity is restored in Ethiopia.  Most of their electricity is hydro-powered, so in the midst of a drought the country gets dark.  Power outages also effect things like fax machines, computers, cell phones, etc... all conveniences that keep the adoption process running on first-world timelines. When those technologies fail, adoption can be severely effected, and for many orphans, time is of the essence.  So please pray that the process runs smoothly, not only for our adoption, but for all of the cases currently trying to meet completion in Ethiopia.

So I've been looking for distractions to get through this insipid wait.  My TMJ is thanking me as since I've let some of this stress go my jaw is staying in its socket and I can eat solid foods. Fudge ripple chocolate frozen yogurt really is only good so many days in a row!  :) I leave Wednesday for the best distraction of all: four days with my best girlfriends in the mountains of Georgia.  Functional jaw or not, nothing could keep me from this kid-free vacation of red wine, shopping, laughter and bliss with my sisters.  And since I've been distraction searching, I've come to love some new things.  Here's five of them.  What do you think? Hate them or love them???

1. Chinese buffet donuts.  You know- the round ones the size of a child's palm covered in white sugar.  Yum.

2. The Starbuck's Americano.  Only 15 calories, espresso shots, and brewed really hot.  Wake up without the guilt.  

3. Crocheting.  My grandma taught me how to do it.  I'm terrible at it, but determined to make blankets for new baby.  It's kind of addicting, peaceful, and when you're done, you've MADE something!  Tim would say I've made A LOT of something.  OK-I've done a crazy amount of crocheting lately...

4. Our new patio.  Now the boys can play outside, we can bar-b-que and entertain all dog free thanks to to the patio and the fence that we had installed around its perimeter. Makes for cute pictures too (see above)!

5. Latin literature and film.  I was stuck in India and South Asia for a long time!  Rushdie and Lahiri are fabulous, but I forgot the genius of the Latin hyperbole and realized metaphor that Gabriel Garcia Marquez masters and films like, Like Water for Chocolate are famous for. Fabuloso!

Adoption Speak

I don't get hung up on P.C. speech.  Say "Special education" or "Exceptional child education"; "Black" or "African American".  I don't care. I will say though that my oldest is NOT "Oriental". Things are "oriental", like rugs.  People from that far off continent are "Asian." To those who have called my son, "oriental",  I'm sure you were doing so out of ignorance, not malice, so no harm done.  Please forgive the, "He's not a vase," mumbled under my breath.  Now you know.  

As an adoptive mom I hear all sorts of comments.  And since my kids are usually within earshot, and the comments are often about them, I'm a little more sensitive to what is said, how it's worded, and how it's heard in my kids' ears.  I'm going to assume that most people are simply ignorant.  Adoption is foreign to them, and well-intentioned, good hearted people ask questions and make comments that really aren't appropriate.  This post may shed some light on what I'm talking about. 

Comments we hear at Walmart, restaurants, the park, church, school...:

1. "Are those your real children?"  What I want to say:  "Yes, I leave the fake ones at home." What my kids hear: "Why would someone look at our family and question whether or not I'm a real person?  Why isn't Mommy my real Mommy?"  What the speaker means, and SHOULD say: "Are they biologically your children?"  or "Are you an adoptive family?"  My answer: "Yes, they are ours.  We are an adoptive family."

2. "OH!  Are they adopted?"  What I want to say: "Please, make them feel like more of a freak of nature-ask us if they're part iguana."  What my kids hear: "Wow-people can tell I'm weird just by looking at me from across the room!"  What the speaker SHOULD say: "Are you an adoptive family?"  My answer: "Yes, we are."

*Yes...there's a pattern here.  "Adoptive FAMILY" is a good, P.C. term.  It shines the adoption spotlight on everyone in the family to share equally instead of one kid-the adopted one, often young and insecure-being singled out as being different in front of strangers.

3. "How much did they cost?"  What I want to say, and often do because this one makes me mad: "I don't buy babies.  That's a felony."  What my kids hear: "There is a dollar amount on my worth."  What the speaker SHOULD have asked: "How much are the fees associated with adoption?"  What I would tell you then: "About the same as birthing a baby, without complications, and there is an $11,000 tax credit to help defer some of the expense."  

4. "Aren't you sad you can't have your own children?"  What I want to say, and sometimes do: "These are my OWN children, and are you kidding me? Look at them!  They're AMAZING!  How could I want anyone other than them?!."  What my kids hear: "Please Mommy say that you love us as much as you would love a biological child.  If other people doubt that, maybe we should too."  What the speaker SHOULD have said, PRIVATELY: "Are you sad you couldn't have biological children?"  My answer: "No.  We chose adoption."

5. "They're so lucky to have you!" What I say: "I'm blessed to have THEM."  What my kids hear: "Why are we lucky?  What's so wrong with us that no one else would want us?"  What the speaker SHOULD have said, "What beautiful children!  You are so blessed to be their mom!"My answer then: "Yes, I am!" Besides, I'm a Christian, so luck has nothing to do with it.

6. "I know someone who adopted.  They had to give those kids back because they were so messed up and couldn't adjust."  What I want to say: "Are you SERIOUSLY saying this out loud in front of my children!?"  What my kids hear: "Our adoption isn't permanent; it's subject to my good behavior."  What the speaker SHOULD have said: "I know someone who adopted.  It can have its own challenges."  My response: "Yes, parenting is a big responsibility and it doesn't always turn out like we plan.  But adoption is forever, just like with a biological family."

7. "Do you know his real mom?"  What I want to say, "I am his real mom."  What the kids hear: "I have a real mom?  Who are you then?"  What the speaker MEANT to say to avoid raising my ire: "Do you have contact with their birth families?"  My answer then: "We have limited contact with them, and respect them very much for the loving choice they made."

8. Something along the lines of "Are you babysitting?"  "Are you a foster mom?"  "They don't look like you" (ya think!) or the long stare that says, "What is THIS family situation?"  What I say: "We're an adoptive family."  What the speaker SHOULD have said: nothing. Or-you guessed it- "Are you an adoptive family?"  

9. "You're just like Angelina Jolie!" What I want to say: "No.  I definitely am not.  But if sharing one common cause makes you just like someone else, then I guess I'm her clone, despite my five foot nothing-ness, ponytail and sweat pants in the Walmart aisle."  What the speaker SHOULD have said: Nothing.  I really am tired of this one.  Not that she isn't a great person...I just don't like being compared to anyone, and I certainly don't adopt to be celeb. 

There are countless other odd comments we've received, but those are the big nine, unless it's Tim and Jason with the kids at Walmart.  They get a whole other set of looks and comments! HA!  So my point is, if you see a conspicuous family and want to know more, please consider what those kids will hear when you begin asking questions.  Think if it were your family.  Know that adoptive families have the same amount of love running through them as biological ones, so no...you can't get away with these comments because it won't offend the mom as much as talking about her "real" children.  Those are her "real" children.  They do offend, and they confuse, but they also open the door for education and productive adoption conversation. 

When in doubt, go with, "Are you an adoptive family?" with a big welcoming smile. Leave luck out of it; remember we're all adopted through Jesus, and those kids are our most treasured gifts, so please don't make them squirm in uncomfortability in their grocery carts and set mom up for a long talk in the car on the way home about how we really are a REAL family.  (Yes, I made up that word.)  

Please continue to pray for the sweet set of hands that are not in our family circle yet, but are waiting in Africa.  Hopefully, more details later.

Aren't they so lucky?

Hmmm... we get this a lot.  Any child that has a loving family is "lucky", or "blessed", as I prefer.  In truth though, we are just as blessed to have them.  Because this blog is largely about adoption, the process, the fears and frustrations of it, the need and joy in it, a certain truth can be lost in these pages:  that is, our kids aren't charity.  We chose these children because God, in His perfect wisdom, sent them to us, just as He sends biological children to birth parents.  They are our kids, the children we are meant to have.  When I look at them I don't see their color or their better life; I don't see them as rescue projects, tax write offs, good deeds or charity.  We just see our children-the children we were meant to have.  We're as normal as any other family in the day-to-day.  Again, though this blog is all about adoption, our daily life is preschool, diapers, ABC's, time-outs and play dates, just like any other family.  So when you ask us in public, "Aren't they lucky?!" and I look at you like, "Huh?  Why?"  It's simply because I've forgotten at that moment that it could have been any other way; this is the only way we know, that they know, and the way it clearly is meant to be.  And we are all SOOOOOO blessed that God put it together like this.

The boys in red

It's been awhile since we've posted.  It has been busy.  For those of you checking and calling and emailing...yes, there IS adoption news...  But none we are ready to share.  Yet.  Sorry!  Give it another week or so, and hopefully then things will be secure enough for us to reveal something beautiful.  Without getting into details, please pray diligently for us and baby #3-that all runs smoothly and expediently.   As soon as we feel comfortable, if there is still news to share, we will share it here, so stay tuned! :)  

In the meantime, we have two very handsome young men living here that make my heart smile every time I look at them!

I was listening to Rich Mullins today-one of my all time favorites.  I love his Christian, Native American influenced, acoustic, scripture based songs.  One of my favorites is this song that he wrote to his newborn son before he (Rich) died.  It speaks a lovely message that I hope my boys come to know as well.  Have a wonderful Spring weekend!

Let Mercy Lead, by Rich Mullins

Aidan you're young 
But Aidan you're growing fast 
Me and your mom 
And all the love we have 
We can only take you so far 
As far as we can 
But you'll need something more to guide your heart 
As you grow into a man 

Let mercy lead 
Let love be the strength in your legs 
And in every footprint that you leave 
There'll be a drop of grace 
If we can reach 
Beyond the wisdom of this age 
Into the foolishness of God 
That foolishness will save 
Those who believe 
Although their foolish hearts may break 
They will find peace 
And I'll meet you in that place 
Where mercy leads 

Aidan the day 
Aidan the day will come 
You'll run the race 
That takes us way beyond 
All our trials and all our failures 
And all the good we dream of 
But you can't see yet where it is you're heading 
But one day you'll see the face of love 

Let mercy lead 
Let love be the strength in your legs 
And in every footprint that you leave 
There'll be a drop of grace 
If we can reach 
Beyond the wisdom of this age 
Into the foolishness of God 
That foolishness will save 
Those who believe 
Although their foolish hearts may break 
They will find peace 
Where mercy leads 
Let mercy lead 

Shouldn't they have black, Filipino or Ethiopian parents?

They should have the parents that God provided for them.  The parents that will love and care for them unconditionally until the day they die.  Family is more than color.

However, (and I'm assuming that we're comparing families that are equally God fearing, loving, safe, and nurturing) ideally, children are raised by families of their own ethnicity and culture. The reality though is that more than half of babies born in America in need of an adoptive family are of minority race and only about a quarter of adoptive families are of minority race. You can do the math.  If caucasian families don't adopt minority children, minority children will not have a family.  That's unacceptable to me, and scientific studies show that interracially adopted children do much better than their non-adopted peers.  So we adopt children that need a home, regardless of their skin tone.  

We don't believe that "we're all the same" though.  There are definite differences in white, black, Filipino and African culture, food, language, style, etc... Therefore, we do go out of our way though to incorporate each child's culture and heritage in our daily lives, and to surround each child with role models of his or her race so that they can grow with strong, confident identities.

Furthermore, C.'s mom chose us.  She saw our pictures, read our profile, and chose us to parent her son.  Regardless of what opinion anyone else has about it, her choice should be respected.

In the Philippines, the Intercountry Adoption Board searches for a Filipino family in country to adopt the children for six months before the child is made available to foreign families.  No Filipino family was available to adopt J.  

Africa, a continent that prides itself in its communal approach to meeting its citizen's needs, has reached its breaking point.  Neighbors and churches are no longer able to take in any more children; they are overburdened with orphans from HIV/AIDS, war, famine and disease. Children are left to fend for themselves and orphanages are overflowing.

Our family is one that our God, who does not discriminate against race or color, put together. We celebrate our differences and love each other as the blessings we are to each other.

Isn't it risky, not knowing what problems these kids are going to have?

The same year that C. came home to us one of my best friends birthed a baby with cerebral palsy.  No, we don't know what "problems" children will have that God sends us, by birth or adoption.  I can say that a part of an adoption dossier includes a Medical Needs form where the adoptive family actually checks "Yes" "Maybe" or "No" for dozens of medical conditions.  Down Syndrome: Yes  Maybe  No;  Webbed feet:  Yes   Maybe   No   (These were actual conditions on the list.)  It's an ethically tricky form, the only part of the adoption paperwork that brought Tim and I both to tears.  In light of this, a person really has more say in what "problems" they are accepting with adoption than with birthing children.  

In regard to adoption though, many people fear Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).  It is extremely rare, and was most prevalent in Eastern European adoptions (Romania).  Most of those programs have since shut-down.  Many adopted children do suffer some level of attachment difficulty, and it is a myth that this only happens with older children.  Even older babies and toddlers can have trouble attaching to their new family.  But the vast majority of the time, these kids do attach. They must go through the grieving process of losing their first family, take in their new surroundings, build trust in their new family, and then begin to attach.  I've yet to meet a child who ran into his new mommy's arms crying, "Mommy!  Mommy!" and showering her with kisses!  But since "new Mommy" is in essence a stranger, that's not a bad thing! :)  

Children, whether birthed or adopted, are born with challenges.  Some are present at birth; some become clear later on.  Either way, they are children of God.  And if God can find it in His heart to love and care for problematic me, then I am blessed beyond measure to love and care the perfectly made children He's given to me.

Aren't you afraid their birthparents will come back and take them?

Sometimes I do find myself peering around corners at the park or eye-balling strangers at the museum.  This is a substantial difference between domestic and intercountry adoption that you should explore in your heart before you choose an adoption program.  Legally, our children are ours, and that cannot be revoked, despite what the latest Lifetime movie says.  What I fear most is that my domestically adopted son will grow up and search for his birth family.  That in itself doesn't scare me, but the idea that he may eventually choose them over us, leave us forever for them, go to their house for Christmas, bring the grandkids to their place and not ours, etc... does keep me up some nights.  The same possibility is there for our internationally adopted children as well, but for whatever reason it doesn't seem as looming.  It's selfish to want to be their #1 and only mom.  I realize this, but I'm trying to be honest here.  

Does it cost a lot of money?

We're military, and with our military insurance it is free to birth children.  So compared to free, yes, adoption is quite expensive.  For others who must pay 20% or more of their medical expenses, it isn't too much more than birthing a child, especially if there are complications. Most programs, domestic or intercountry, will average between $18,000-30,000.  That includes USCIS fees and travel.  If an agency is asking much more than $30,000, or requiring that you pay all fees upfront, run the other direction.  

There is a federal adoption tax credit of $11,000 per child that rolls over for five years.  You can only get back from the government what you put in, of course, but you will get back a significant portion of your adoption expenses the tax year after your adoption is final.  

I once heard adoption fees compared to a ransom.  If one of your children was kidnapped and taken to a dark place with no medical care, family or education, what wouldn't you pay to get him or her back?  I think we would all find $20,000 fairly quickly!  It is the same for these, our children who we have not yet met.  They are being held in darkness and need their ransom paid. Christ paid the ultimate ransom for me.  All we have is His.  The least we can do is find and use $20,000 of His money to bring another of His children to security.

How long does it take to adopt?

That depends upon the child.  Families who are waiting for a healthy caucasian infant here in America may wait years.  China's wait times are up to about 3 years, I hear.  However, there are older children and special needs children available for adoption today.  There are children of minority race here in America available with very short wait times.  The Philippine program wait times are 18-24 months; Ethiopia's are less than a year, Haiti's are even shorter.  It really varies by country and the child you are waiting for.

Is it hard to adopt?

"Hard" is a subjective word.  Harder than infertility treatments, carrying a baby, morning sickness, fatigue, moodiness, facing gestational diabetes or eclampsia, hours if not days of labor and pushing a living being through your birth canal, then post-partum healing, depression and breast feeding?  No, it's not that hard! ;)  But you'd really need to ask a mom who has both birthed and adopted a child to compare.  Adoption does require a homestudy, which is more a study of your family than your home.   Inter-country adoption requires a dossier as well-hundreds of papers that must be filled out, filed, fingerprinted and notarized.  There are always glitches, set-backs and complications.  It isn't for the faint of heart.  Altogether, it's about a year's worth of work, but taken step-by-step, it's doable, just like birth, and so worth it!

Are you going to adopt more?

We will raise the children God sends us!  If my will reigned, we'd adopt two more before it was all over.  We have one son with high maintenance special needs though, and we believe that we made a commitment to each of our children to give them a family, not a fancy orphanage.  That means that they each get daily one-on-one time, each of their needs are met, each of their talents are fertilized, each of their spirits are fed, each of their special needs are considered, and each of them gets daily doses of love in their unique "love language."  Though some moms can, I can't do all that with more than three little ones at a time! :)  That said, we do occasionally get calls from our agency about children that need a home.  I am constantly checking the status of various country programs.  We pray about each one, and I certainly pray that God's will matches mine for two more eventually!

Why not adopt children in America? There are thousands of kids in foster care here that need a home!

Well first of all, we did adopt one from here! ;)  And second, yes, there are thousands of children who need a family right here in America.  There is no substitute for a forever family, a place to go for Christmas when you're thirty-seven with your kids, a place to call "home." However, there is absolutely no comparison between the US foster care system and orphanages in the least developed world.  Meningitis outbreaks, dysentery, malaria, unclean water, no electricity, and little to no education do not plague children in the US foster care system.  There are exceptions, of course, where orphans in America are grossly mistreated.  But I truly believe this is the exception to the rule, whereas overseas, conditions are consistently poor.  There are not resources in the least developed world to give these children even the most basic care.  For them, adoption gives life.  In America, adoption gives life abundantly.  Again, if you are considering adoption, pray about both options.  Pray that God lead you to the children He has planned for your family, here or abroad.