A bridge or no bridge?

Do you have a bridge in your nose? I do. In fact, all of us do who are of Caucasion decent. But if you're Asian, you may not. Actually, they have what are refered to as flat or low nose bridges. It isn't something I would usually notice in a person; between Asians and Caucasions I notice the eye differences primarily. Though, in SE Asia, I've experienced that many Asians see the differences in our noses more prominently than we Caucasions do, especially in regions where white people rarely visit. I've walked down the streets of Rangoon, and through villages in Cambodia where adults would belly laugh at me and make a gesture over their noses that says, "Look at that huge nose!" They think it's hilarious. And in the mood of celebrating differences, I laugh with them. After all, I don't have the best nose. I mean, it works OK, but it is a little prominent on my otherwise small face.
Interestingly enough, my nose has also been of much concern to my new Filipino son. He started pushing my nose down, trying to flatten it, the day he met me. For nearly two weeks, after any time that he would take a good long look at me, he'd attempt to flatten my nose. It just didn't look right to him. It is kind of funny. But, I wonder what else hasn't looked right. He's eaten the American food, worn a coat and hat; he hasn't compared our skin tones, or tried to narrow my eyes. But there was something about my nose...
Today was the first day he hasn't tried to flatten it. It sounds insignificant, but it felt that a real sign of acceptance. It was like his way of saying, "I'm Filipino, you're not-so what. You're my mom."
Coincidently, this breakthrough of accepting my nose came after an especially difficult day yesterday. The poor guy woke up from his afternoon nap, looked around, looked at me, and started to cry. It wasn't an "I'm hungry" cry, or a "You're not getting me out of this bed fast enough" cry. It was a deep, sad, big tear cry. It was the grieving that I had read about that would happen when an adopted toddler suffers the loss of his birthparent or caretaker when being placed with an adoptive family. He had shown definite signs of fear and confusion previously, but this was the first time I saw his truly sad. J. isn't normally a cuddly child. He likes to play and be held in order to get to point B, but he doesn't choose to snuggle up in my lap, hold on, and read a book. Unless he's sad. After his nap yesterday, his buried his head in my shoulder and cried for quite a while. He looked at me, touched my face like C. does, like a blind person trying to "see" a stranger, tried to flatten my nose, and cried and cried. Though he doesn't speak, I knew what was wrong: He was homesick.
I put him on my lap and took out a photo album with pictures of him and the nuns from his orphanage. He put his tiny fingers under the photo lamination pages to touch the nun's faces, and smiled, and laughed and cried all at the same time. I let him sit on my lap and hold those pictures as long as he chose. He touched the nun's face who was in charge of the orphanage nursery for nearly five minutes. After awhile, he turned to me with dry eyes. I asked him, "Love Mama?" and he gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek. Then he signed that he was hungry, and was back to his normal self.
J. has a long, sad journey behind him, and an even longer one ahead of him. However, the paths to come have much more hope in them, Lord willing, than the ones he's been down before. I guess for him, one step on this grieving, exciting, confusing, loving, frustrating road he's on was to accept my nose. And he did that. So, how bad can tomorrow be?
(The picture is of J. with a rain stick I bought for him from his homeland. Like me, he loves the sound of rain).

Pictures-AGAIN!

J.: "We have to take pictures again?"
C.: "Yeah-she does this all the time. And remember, she doesn't stop until it's perfect. And new guy-if you keep me here all day they'll be revenge. You're not getting any of my carrots at dinner. I know it'll be hard with a face like that, but just follow my lead and it'll be over real soon. Come on-like me. Look cute."
C.: "Wait a minute...you're going to need some help. Here-lift your lips up, like this, and look right into the camera."
J.: "How does this look?"
C.: "OK-hold it right there and we may have something."

C.: "Oh, new guy, you've got a lot to learn... This lady does NOT do goofy. You've got to be cool and natural, like me. I told you-think cute."

C.: "Time out, Mom-we need a minute to confer. OK, new guy, just listen to me. I'll tell you how it's done."
J.: "I'll do whatever you say. Just make it end."

J.: "How's this?"
C.: "That's better, but it's taking so much of my energy to get it out of you that you made me forget to smile. One more. And do it right; I'm seeing spots."

C.: "Perfect!"
J.: "This lady's crazy."
C.: "Yeah-but as long as you smile, she's happy, so keep it up. You may even get some of my carrots."

Current Family Photos-February

Happy February from Tim, Tiffany, J. and C.!
This is a long post, but I'm over jet-lag enough now to fully share our experience in the Philippines picking up J. There are a couple of pictures of C. too, of course! But most of this is dedicated to our time in the Philippines. Feel free to comment with-well-comments, and questions! I know people have been calling and stopping by with all sorts of questions. I'm awake enough now to answer them! Hope you had a wonderful Valentines' Day!

This is me sitting with the sisters, case workers, and Dr.'s going over all of J.'s information before we met him. We were given a month by month Life Book with pictures covering his entire time at the orphanage. He will treasure that later. It took quite a while to go over all of the medical information with the Dr. Though I was anxious to meet J. (we could hear him playing in the other room during this meeting), this was one meeting that I did not want to rush. I knew it would be very important to know what time he went to bed, what vegetables he likes, what comforts him, and what his last X-rays showed once we got home.





I'm so glad that I read books on toddler adoption, and spoke with other adoptive families before making this trip. I know many adopters of toddlers expect the little one to run into their arms yelling, "Mommy! You've come to save me!" at first sight. Well, far different is reality! I was a stranger, and J. was taught well-don't go to strangers. It took some aquainting, pleading, bribing, tricking, and coersing to get him to come to me. A sister he trusted, J. and I played with a truck I brought him. Then we played peek-a-boo under a table. He wouldn't let me hold him, so the sister suggested that she take his feet and I take his arms and we carry him together. Then he'd hold my hand. He took me all around the orphanage grounds to show me the fish pond. And finally, he let me hold him. But it wasn't without a few, "If you touch me, I'm gonna punch you!" moments. (See above). I think we had one of those today actually after he threw his apple on the floor and got put in time-out... oh the joy of toddlers! The tee-shirt he had on when I met him, the one in the pictures, says, "When God Made Me He Was Just Showing Off." I agree!
Finally! After about an hour, he let me hold him without arching his back, reaching for the sisters, or crying! Now we only have to make it to America! The sad taxi ride away from the orphanage. He clung to me like this for at least 24 hours, and made a pitiful sound that sounded like a hurt cat. It was very bittersweet. I wished more than anything that I could replace his limited 2 year old understanding of what was happening to him with mine. He stopped making that sound after we got to our house in America. The fingerprints at the Inter-Country Adoption Board that made him officially no longer an orphan, and our son (pending the 6 month probationary period, the US courts, the paperwork in the States, etc...). Irregardless-a very important fingerprint! It's what got him through immigration at the first US stop we made coming home.


Out and about in Manila. I chose to have his hair cut in Manila so that the stylist spoke his language and could try to ease his fears. He was still terrified,but he didn't scream.




We made it home, and we've been shutter happy trying to catch all of the cute moments. EVERYTHING is new to him, from carpet to telephones, microwaves to soccer balls, geese to cold weather, etc...He is constantly pointing and grunting, "What's that?" He loves this monkey puppet that makes a monkey sound, and of course-bubbles. He had a great time at the park this afternoon, and refused to eat anything but McDonalds and chocolate chip cookies all day. (I even offered rice). But I guess even if rice is all you know, it's impossible to pass up chocolate chip cookies! He's getting better at listening to Dad on the phone. And we made sure to get him out with the soccer ball immediately! (Just for Tim).



Here are some picures of a day we took out of Manila. The waterfalls are at Pagsanjan, about 2 hours south of Manila. We rode in a dug out canoe that a Filipino "boatman" oared and footed for lack of a better word through the rapids, rocks and jungle until we reached a 70 foot waterfall. It was beautiful to see the foliage, hear the birds, watch the monkeys jump on the trees (can you find the monkey in the picture??), and feel the cool water. This was the day before we got J., so he wasn't with us.
C. is growing up big and strong too! He still loves the bath, and is one of the two most handsome boys in the world-not that I'm biased... And toddler make three! We cannot wait for Dad to get home! Mom leaves tomorrow, and I'm really wondering how this is going to work alone. But we;ll find a way. At least J. and C. are getting along better. J. rushed to get C.'s pacifier when he was crying this afternoon, and rocked his bouncy chair to calm him down. He even hugged C. goodnight, and they held hands in their car seats coming home from errands! Yeah! They like each other-for the most part. They at least can stand each other long enough to sit with Mommy for a picture. Hurry home, Daddy! The house is loud and crazy, but lonely, without you.

We're Home!

Well, we're home, almost over jetlag, and we're borrowing a friend's computer because ours died, and I can finally update you all on J.! Tim and I are so blessed to have two amazing little boys! Mom and I had a fabulous trip to the Philippines. We toured Manila, went to Pagsanjan waterfalls, walked through parks, rode a horse wagon, and ate Filipino food. I can't wait to go back when J. is older so that he can see his beautiful homeland.
We met J. Monday afternoon at the orphanage. He took about an hour to warm up to me-which is a very good sign. If he had ran up to me with open arms it would have been a huge sign of attachment disorder. This way, he proved he was attached to someone else-Sister Emma, and was weary of strangers. That's a good thing. But eventually, he took my hand and showed me the fish pond on the orphanage grounds. Then he let me carry him and played peek-a-boo with me. The nuns had a nice good-bye ceremony for him, blessed him, and sang, "The Lord Bless You and Keep You." He was well cared for, certainly. They had over twenty babies, and one full time nursery worker. Needless to say, though 2 1/2, J. was still drinking from a bottle and sleeping in a crib when I met him. I haven't given him a bottle since we've been home and he hasn't missed it, so I think we're beyond that now.
He didn't cry when we got in the car to leave the orphanage, but he looked terribly sad and terrified. He made a pitiful sound all night that resembled a crying cat, and he clung to me.
Many of you know we were very conncerned about his speech becuase he isn't speaking in any language. But my friend, who is a speech pathologist, spent some time with him, and she thinks he'll come along just fine. She said that many bi-lingual kids don't speak until they are closer to three years old. And since he has been home, J. has tried to say, "chicken," he said, "Ruff! Ruff!" to his toy dog, and today he started saying, "Up!" when he lifts his hands up and wants to be held. He has picked up several signs in sign language, like "more," "eat", and "all gone." There is no doubt now that his brain is fine. It is just a language delay.
Another piece of good news is that his leg isn't bowed as severely as it was in the referral photos, but he is definately crooked. One leg is longer than the other, and his spine is not straight. He has an appointment the first week of March to begin the process of straightening him out so that he is more comfortable and stable. That said, he has compensated tremendously! He runs, climbs, jumps, etc... With pants on, no one knows he is deformed.
Today, a friend came over with her son, and J. played with him like any other 2 year old. He ran, jumped, kicked and threw a ball; he laughed, initiated play, and got mad when he lost his toy. These are all wonderful signs that he will acclimate well.
We're pleased that he responds to "J." already. Since they called him Kuya ("Big Brother") in the orphanage, and Kuya sounds like J. he quickly switched.
As you can see, he is beautiful! Mom has all the best pictures of him on her camera, but here's a few. I'd love to send pictures of J. and C. together, but we aren't quite there yet. C. is still the baby that is taking Mommy's attention. But everyday, J. gets closer to him.
Please pray that he gets over jet-lag SOON. Being up from midnight to 4:00 am is getting old fast. He and C. are on opposite nap schedules, so there is no time for a nap for me in the day to cath up on sleep. When my mom leaves, I'll be beyond exhausted! Also, pray that his body heals, and he catches up developmentally. Thank you for your prayers, and we'll be in touch! Blessings,

Prayer

" I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matt. 21:21-22

" Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to care for widows and orphans in their time of need, and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

Our preacher said recently, "God isn't a genie in a bottle." True. But His Word clearly teaches that when we pray in faith for those things that are according to His purpose, our prayers are answered. Thank you for praying in faith for one of the hundreds of thousands of orphaned children of God to come into his forever home. You prayers were heard, and answered. Our agency called this morning and said that the US Embassy granted J. a visa yesterday without any problems, and I can go get him anytime! YEAH!! My mother and I are leaving next Thursday, the 9th, and I'll pick him up from his orphange Monday morning. Please contine to pray that the poor guy isn't too sad or terrified to leave the only home he remembers, that we're all kept safe, and that the transition is easy. Blessings,
Tiffany