Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

The Responsibilities that Come with Shoes

When Sunflower and I landed in America, I said aloud, "Welcome to America.  You have a Daddy here, and a house."


A man across the aisle added, "And clean drinking water."

His friend said, "And medical care," no doubt because he had witnessed with eyes and nose Robyn and I change no less than a dozen diarrhea diapers and were clearly transporting a sick child.  Thank you, unknown plane companion, for being compassionate and not complaining!  

A woman waiting to exit the plane chimed in, "We have education here."
Another woman, "And hamburgers.  We have meat that you can eat here."  

A hundred thoughts went through my mind then as myself and my flying companions were about to step foot back into America.  What Sunflower was losing by leaving Africa certainly was at the forefront, but also all of the things she would gain-in her case, likely life itself-by moving to America.

I was struck last night listening to our Presidential candidates debate whether health care was a responsibility or a right.  Huh.  I thought the UN decided that sixty years ago with the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, article 25:
"Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, housing, and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age, or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.   Motherhood and childhood are entitled to special care and assistance.  All children, whether born in or out of wedlock, shall enjoy the same protection."

Health care is a basic human right.
Teaching your children the Golden Rule is a responsibility.
Meat on the table is a privilege.

Unfortunately, these basic rights, as outlined in the UN Declaration aren't exercised around the world.  There are many obstacles: lack of resources, lack of knowledge, apathy...  If they were all met, Sunflower would never have to have left Ethiopia.  

My travels have developed a unique perspective within me.  For example, patent leather shoes on an 8 month old baby is not a core human right.  It is an abundant privilege of growing up in America.  In fact, I didn't see shoes of any kind on any child's feet while in Africa (in the villages outside of Addis, anyway).  Here's my perspective: foot covering of some sort=right.  Patent leather baby shoes with bows= privilege.

Sunflower got her first pair of shoes yesterday.  I openly chastised myself in the store about how ridiculous it was to buy a baby a pair of shoes.  What's she going to do, walk outside and check the mail?  But I wanted her to have them.  I want her to have all of her human rights: medical care, sufficient food, potable water, shelter; fulfill all of her responsibilities: try her best in school, use good manners, tell people about Jesus' love, and be a compassionate person; and so many privileges as well: a room to herself, McDonald's french fries, indoor plumbing, a washing machine, her own Bible in her own language, music, dance, and patent leather shoes.

They may not take her very far today, but as she grows and little black church shoes are replaced with tennis shoes for track, sandals for the beach, heels for prom, and cute Mary Janes for nights out with girlfriends, I pray her "feet are shod with the readiness of the Gospel of Peace", that she learns to walk in her Father's footsteps, and that she becomes a bearer of human rights to the least of these all around the world.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Baby Shower!




Thank you, church friends for putting together a wonderful shower for Sunflower!  It was a combined shower for her and Kassidy, a nine mon. old baby girl who just came home from China a week ago.  The organizers had Ethiopian and Chinese new baby traditions worked into the event, African and Chineses decor and music, and we received extremely thoughtful gifts, like Ethiopian baby clothes, Ethiopian folk tales, Ethiopian children's music, hand made/stitched boutique gifts, clothes and much needed necessities like diapers and formula. Our sweet babies loved wearing their traditional clothes and getting "showered" with attention!  Sunflower was exhausted by the time it was over!  

We are soooooo blessed to have the church family that we do!  With them, we have adoptive families and a plethora of races to remind us that the Kingdom is made up of all nations and tribes, and family is much more than skin color.  I don't show other peoples' pictures on my blog without their permission, but know that the house was FULL and we had a GREAT time! If interested, Kassidy has her own blog at idreamofkassidy.blogspot.com.  Thanks again, ladies!

Thursday, September 04, 2008

A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet...


Maybe Juliet had it right.  Names don't change us.  Or do they? (That's a Tiffany Rose, by the way.  My mom used to plant them in our garden...a totally unrelated nice childhood memory I threw in there!) 


Back to names: A solid argument can certainly be made in support of the idea that a child will be influenced by the meaning of his or her name, if that meaning is made to be significant within the family.  For example, in all intents and purposes, "Kuya" was J.'s name at the orphanage in the Philippines. (That means big brother in Tagalog.  It is common in Eastern cultures for people to refer to each other primarily with a title like, auntie, cousin, or littlest brother.)  That's the only name he responded to when I brought him home.  We celebrated it, and still use it.  I'm sure by the sly grin on his face that he tries to hide, but can't, every time we call him "Kuya", that it influenced his ability to be a nurturing big brother.  We don't put him in charge of a dozen babies here, but we love that he has a caretaker's heart and wraps up Sunflower in a blanket when he thinks she's cold.

I'm sure you're thinking this is an odd post for a mom who doesn't reveal her children's real names on her blog. But I'm taking time to do it because I've been asked about names and adoption several times lately.  So here goes.

First, it's controversial.  There are families who staunchly believe that a child should retain his or her birth name as a first name when adopted.  Others don't see any significance at all in the birth name and whimsically change the child's name to something that they like, that may or may not have any meaning; the new name just sounds nice.  Personally, I think the answer is somewhere in the middle, and of course the age of the child has to be taken into consideration.  For this post, I'm speaking of children 0-3, though the concept could work and has worked for many older children as well.  

Let's get this out now: Tim and I are in the "change their names" camp.  This is why:

Think about Abram.  God called Abram out of Ur and sent him on a quest to the Promised Land.  God made a covenant with Abram-to give him land and descendants, and Abram was to follow God.  When leaving one life and beginning another, at the core of an intimate covenant,was a name change. God changed Abram's name to Abraham.  

Then there was Saul.  He took a journey down Damascus Road, was struck blind, taken in by a Christian, convicted and converted.  Saul was given a mission, called to leave behind a life of hatred and hopelessness and begin a new life with Christ.  God changed his name from Saul to Paul at this anointing.  

Jacob became Israel.  Sarai became Sarah.  Esau means hairy.  Jacob means tricky.  Peter means rock.  I think God places some significance and value in a name!  In addition, He made a habit of changing peoples' names at the commencement of a new life.

Tim said once, thinking of our children's first lives, "After they get to us, life gets boring!" True, a warm bed, a family, nutritious food, unconditional love and commitment may be boring compared to traveling through tribal wars, scary court hearings and placement delays, Nipa hut life and questionable tomorrows, but we'll take it!  Undoubtedly, our children have left one life with little to no future and have entered into a new life with hope and promise.  A new covenant between us and them was made, and in this new life, they have begun the journey to grow into Christian Ambassadors.  Sound familiar?  

This is why we choose to re-name our children.  God did.  We get the significance.  Names are a big deal.

"But what about losing their heritage?  What about respecting the birth family's wishes?  The children lose so much by leaving their homeland, the least you can do is keep their name; it's the one thing that they can never lose!"  I told you it was a heated debate...

We, like so many other adoptive families, have found the balance in giving the children a new first name with meaning, and retaining their birth names as middle names.  Really, one has to consider that sometimes, the birth first name would make for a very awkward life here in the States.  Foreign names can be difficult to pronounce, have a meaning that is inappropriate here, be a name of the opposite gender here, etc...  And sometimes, families just don't like the name.  There's nothing wrong with that, and I don't think that the family disgraces the birth family by changing it, especially when it's retained as a middle name.  Surely, the birth family would want the child to have a name that is functional and appropriate for their child.

We honor our children's birth families in other ways besides just keeping their birth names in their new official name.  Birth family members are never disrespected in our home.  We go out of our way to retain some of our children's heritages.  We eat Filipino food; we say, "Mabuhay" and "Selam" in greeting; J. could find the Philippines on a map when he was three; and they have traditional clothes.  Is this as good as living in their homelands?  No, of course not, but that's another post!  The point is that I don't think changing their birth name to a new name of meaning to mark a new covenant robs them of their culture anymore than what is already inevitable by circumstances beyond our control.

Slightly related story: A Filipino girl joined J.'s gymnastics class.  J. noticed her right away.  Tim spoke with her mom and learned that she was from the Philippines and told J. about this on the way home.  J. proudly came in to me after class and announced, "Mom!  I have a new friend! She's from the Philippines, like me!"  If there were ever a kid who loves his homeland, a place he sadly doesn't even remember, it's our J.!  AND he started out with a Filipino name...that we chose to change.

So, there you have it.  "No," those of you who know the real names of our children, "that isn't their birth name."  We change their names to mark the significance of their new life, truly a life or death matter for a couple of them, and retain their birth name as one of their middle names. As a result, all three of them have strong-though sometimes long :) - names of hope, healing, faith, and beauty, and if they are influenced at all by their names, as I suspect people are, then they're off to a good start!

Monday, August 25, 2008

First of all...

We LOVE this baby girl!!!
AND this little man who is proudly representing our middle-class-on-a-budget hot tub.



And of course this miracle who the most nurturing and kind big brother a family could dream of.  We're SO proud of you, Kuya!
Now you're probably thinking, "What great pictures!"  But watch what happens when we try to capture the same photogenic magic with all five of us together for the first time:

1. Good try, C.! 
2. Could at least 3/5 of us be looking in the general direction of the camera?  A lot to ask, I know...

3. "If someone would take this hat off my face....MOM... this almost could have been a keeper!"  Sorry, Sunflower...

4. "Yes, Dear.  I WILL open my eyes into the sun for this family picture!  I WILL open my eyes; I WILL open my eyes..."
5. Don't forget-when we're divided into groups of two or less, we take great pictures!

6. Seriously, we don't even like each other any more.  
7. But lest I speak too soon, we capture a more or less happy moment, and we really do love each other very much!
We're coming up on our holiday time of year with the boys' birthdays, Tim and I's 10 year anniversary and his birthday within 2 weeks of each other.  We hope your Labor Day season is just as joyous!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Is this the same baby??? She couldn't do ANY of this 2 weeks ago!


I've been home less than TWO WEEKS, and already I can jump like a kangaroo in my jumperoo!  In fact, I try to jump ALL THE TIME now, but Mommy and Daddy don't make elephant sounds and light up when I jump in their arms.  You'd think they could humor me at least occasionally...

Look, Aunti Robyn!  No more turtle neck!  "Franklin" is soooo last week's nickname! :)  I've gained TWO POUNDS since I met Mommy two weeks ago!

I'm strong enough to push up with my arms now too.
I can sit in Daddy's lap and hold my head steady and not fall forward.

My legs don't collapse from underneath me anymore when I put pressure on them.  I'll even stand when people hold me for a second or two!

And the doctor says that I don't need surgery!  So far, the tests show that soy formula, a little medicine, getting upright and mobil, and a lot of one-on-one love and attention will fix my tummy, get me baby chubby, and caught up developmentally.  Unless this week's tests show otherwise, give me another month and I'll look and act like any other baby my age!
I'm not too sure about these two yet.  But Daddy finished their swing set this week (They say, "Thank you, Lola!!!"), so they can be loud and crazy OUTSIDE while I adjust to this new life, new air, new food, new sounds, new textures, new heartbeats, new voices and language, new smells, new tastes and new love INSIDE without getting over stimulated.  They give me a lot of kisses though!  By the way, Mommy wanted me say that J. and C. picked out their own outfits this day; she didn't do that. ;)


Saturday, August 02, 2008

First Pictures!!!


Oh, you want pictures of Sunflower, not me WALKING WITH ZEBRAS in Africa?!?!  AMAZING!!!
Oh, you want pictures of the BABY Sunflower?  Not African sunflowers as BIG AS YOUR HEAD!!!  Gorgeous!

HERE SHE IS:

A giggly baby on our way to the US Embassy in Addis Ababa to get her paper ready to come home.

Complete with her Ethiopia baby hat, mutual love at first site at the airport in the US.  She slept on his chest all night!
C.'s up to at least 100 in his "kiss my baby" account.   Isn't she stunning?!
J., as expected, is a super big brother and makes sure she has everything she needs!
Africa was a life changing experience, and I'll post more later once we all adjust at home.  For now, please pray for her.  She is smiley and happy, but very sick, as we knew she was at referral.  We have the first appointment at the doctor Monday morning to begin her medical care.  Please pray that the digestive/nutritional absorption problem she has can be easily identified and quickly corrected.   She is 6 months old tomorrow and though age appropriate in length, she is wearing newborn/size 1 diapers, has little strength and head control, and has yet to keep a bottle of formula in her stomach.  But by His grace, she has made it this far!  I am confident that through all of our prayers, God will heal her and by Christmas she'll be a very healthy thriving baby girl!  Blessings,

Friday, July 18, 2008

Changing Hands

I'm speaking at a women's conference here in a couple of months and had to have pictures of me by myself for the flyer.  I didn't have any of me alone...imagine that!  Anyway, hence the goofy photo.  It went about as well as the picture below: "No, C.-look here!  And smile!" 

Since I returned from Burma 10 days ago, the following have been accomplished:
1. Loving, dressing, feeding, educating, disciplining, cleaning and cuddling my two boys.

2. Un-packed (once my luggage came home after it's scenic route home)

3. Re-packed a suitcase full of aid for Sunflower's orphanage and transition home in Ethiopia

4. Re-packed a suitcase for me (clothes, a backpack, shampoo, etc...)

5. Started to pack a suitcase for Sunflower and realized we had nothing to put in it!

6. Friends sent clothes, and we went shopping to fill the empty suitcase with these bizarre tiny outfits that are pink with flowers and bows and lace on them. Nope-no blue bulldozers on these onsies!

7. Re-located bottles, formula holders, portable diaper changing pads, the diaper bag, diaper rash creme, pacifiers, etc... that was stashed away since C. quit using them.

8. THEN I packed Sunflower's suitcase. Might I say too, it is strange to pack a suitcase to check on a plane for a child that will only be a part of the return trip. "No, I really am allowed this extra free luggage. No, the baby isn't here NOW, but she's on the ticket-see? And she's coming home with me in a week, so she gets the checked luggage."

9. Tried to grasp the fact that we have a DAUGHTER coming HOME in a WEEK!

10. Painted, stenciled, hung curtains, and put up baby furniture in the nursery.

11. Filled out the DS-230 and the I-864 for my Embassy appointment in Addis on the 29th. FYI, if you haven't done your I-864, give yourself a week for this one; it's a monster!

12. Changed thousands of dollars into "Smaller bills, please, and all 2004 or newer in good condition" because that's all Ethiopia will change due to counterfeiting problems. Try it out-that sentence will make your bank teller smile too!

13. Re-confirmed tours, hotels, and transportation in Ethiopia.

14. Make 140 Thank You bookmarks for members of my church who supported the Burma mission.

15 Recorded a Burma end report on video at church for Sunday.

16.Found childcare for the boys while I'm in Ethiopia. Rachel, "Thank You" doesn't even begin to cover it, but "THANK YOU!!!"

17. Answered C. reassuringly, all 100 times throughout the day, when he says, "Mommy, I'M your baby C.  I'M a baby!"  (So far, he's adjusting the least to the idea of a new baby, but we expected that.  He's a little...well... some say spoiled; I say loved!)

18. Attempted to convince my body that it's noon when it's noon, not midnight.

19. Finished Sunflower's baby blanket; I'm putting the finishing ruffles on it as I type-

20. Did NOT capture "little mouse" that has decided to make our fireplace his new home. That's what we get for building a house on an old tobacco field...

************************************************************************************


I leave TOMORROW for Ethiopia to meet and bring home Sunflower! Please pray for safety, smooth transition, and quick attachment on her part. She has changed primary caretakers 3 times (about to be 4) in her short five months of life, so attachment strategies are soon to be implemented to the fullest to help guarantee that she attaches to us as Mom and Dad and avoids any attachment related problems later in life.  

Did you know that once a child truly attaches to a caretaker, he or she can then easily (with time) re-attach to another caretaker? But if the child never attached to anyone (some say by 6 months of age), then he or she may never be able to attach to a caretaker. Attachment is related to brain chemistry and neurological connections; not just emotion.

So ,it is vital that she attach to us quickly. That's why we may say, "I'm sorry, you can't hold and feed the baby." Only her primary caretakers, Tim and I, the people she MUST attach to, will be able to meet any of her needs until she "gets" we are Mom and Dad and attaches to us. It's not personal; it's just part of adoption! 

J. had an advantage here because even though he came home when he was older, he had fully attached to his caretakers at the orphanage and was there for over a year before he came home. He went through grief and loss when he came home, but then easily attached to us. Though, we welcome your loving words and gazes toward her, thoughts, prayers, and even gifts! :) Thanks to all of you who have sent stuff in the mail and who have prayed for this process and for Sunflower's health to hold until we get her home and evaluated here.  It's almost over! 

Of course, I'll update when I get home, and once again, see you in 10 days!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Prayer for a Child

Sunflower:


Bless this milk and bless this bread
Bless this soft and waiting bed
Where I presently shall be 
Wrapped in sweet security.
Through the darkness, through the night
Let no danger come to fright
My sleep till morning once again 
Beckons at the window pane.
Bless the toys whose shapes I know,
the shoes that take me to and fro
Up and down and everywhere.
Bless my little painted chair.
Bless the lamplight, bless the fire,
Bless the hands that never tire 
In their loving care of me.
Bless my father and my mother
And keep us close to one another.
Bless other children, far and near,
And keep them safe and free from fear.
So let me sleep and let me wake
In peace and health, for Jesus' sake.
-Rachel Field, 1945

This is one of the boys' favorite bedtime books.  I'm sure it's been a favorite for many children over the past several decades.  Each night that we read it, a different line stands out to me.  If it's storming, "let no danger come to fright my sleep" is emphasized.  If Caleb's asthma is bad, and he has a stuffy nose, I linger a little longer over "let me sleep....in peace...".  But tonight as we cuddled on the couch and read this prayer together, other lines rang forte.   Please continue to pray for baby Sunflower and "the hands that never tire" in their care of her until she gets home to the medical care she needs, especially this month as our family is spread out all over God's beautiful globe.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Meet Sunflower!!!



She passed!!!

Our agency director gave us the court date a day later than it actually was so that we could be surprised by good news on the day we were the most stressed.  VERY good news!!!

By the way, several have asked, and, "no" Sunflower isn't her real name, but it's her blog name. How many of us had our own internet identities before we were 6 months old!?  

We are so grateful that she passed court in Ethiopia today, and is now officially our daughter!  I could put a little "Woo Hoo!" here, but even in all caps it seems insufficient for the joy, relief, peace, and hope we feel today.  She is one less child to grow up in animism, one less child to grow up in extreme poverty, one less child to live without basic health care, education, shelter, food and hygiene, one less child to grow up in a war zone, and one less child to grow up without a mom and a dad.  She IS a child who will grow up with life abundantly in full knowledge of her adoption as a princess and heir to God's amazing kingdom, and as our earthly delight in a humble home.  We are now the parents of three, one of whom has the most beautiful, HUGE, brown eyes on the planet!  I know a certain Daddy who doesn't plan on spoiling her one bit! ;) 

These are actual pictures of OUR DAUGHTER.  Isn't she amazing?!?!  She is 4 months old in the middle picture and 7 weeks in the first and third.  I hope to be able to travel to Ethiopia in 4 weeks to go get her after her visa papers are processed.  
THANK YOU FOR PRAYING!!!  Ok-here it is: WOO HOO!!!