A Happy Photo

I realized in the last post that C. looks terribly blah in every shot. Those of you that know him know that that is not at all representative of who he is. He's the happiest baby I know! Though, he has his moments-see the post below for more, and comments. But to represent him accurately, here's a happy picture from March! Enjoy! By the way, don't forget to Spring Forward this weekend!

A Dozen Lessons

Sure, they look innocent enough, stoic, even reaching for Walt Whitman and Shakespeare over "Bear in the Big Blue House" and "Clifford", just as any children of mine should. But, what a week!

A Dozen Things I’ve Learned This Week as a Mother
(and one positive bit)
1. They don’t make door knobs like they did in the 70’s. I remember using a paperclip as a kid to pop open a door when Steve would lock me out. Just unwind, push, turn, and pop! It’s open! Now, a person has to take off the entire door knob, find a piece of metal that is shaped like a flat head screw driver-but smaller-push it through the interior slot (without knocking the doorknob still in tact on the other side through the hole), turn with all your might, and then. . . POP! It’s open.
2. When you think you’ve punished your toddler so severely for locking all the door knobs on the inside, then shutting the doors, that he’ll never THINK to do it again, he’ll do it again. Just after you’ve put them all back together.
3. “X” says, “ksss” (according to the powers that be behind fridge phonics). And here, all these years as an English major, I thought it said, “zzzz” as in xylophone.
4. Six month old babies can talk back. You might not understand a word they say, but you know it’s ugly.
5. If, after putting the baby to sleep, you decide to relax for a few minutes by running a huge bubble bath, bubbles up to your chin, drinking a cup of coffee, and reading a great novel, like the Nobel Prize winning author Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s A Hundred Years of Solitude, and your toddler tries to catch all the bubbles in your tub to blow them back at you, and you think to yourself, “He’ll probably fall in. It’s really slippery, and that’s a long reach,” he will. Fall in, that is. Head first, fully clothed, and with a poopy diaper.
6. Even if you aren’t quite yet 30, flipping, tossing, squatting, carrying, twirling, and otherwise horse playing with your twenty-something pound children will not only put you in great shape, it’ll throw out your shoulder.
7. Scary sounds and scary people aren’t as scary if you wave “good-bye” to them.
8. If it’s dark, your husband is gone, you hear loud pounding noises, and you think someone is breaking in, don’t grab a weapon. It’s most likely your son whose locked himself in a room this time, and is trying to pound his way out with a plastic duck.
9. Peas can be spit further than squash.
10. If you want the soundtrack of your life to sound more like a horror movie starring crazed dolls with machetes, let the batteries run down on all the toys. You’ll get “The Intzy Weenzy Spider”, “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”, and “Rubber Duckie, You’re the One,” all playing at once, very low and slow. It’ll be just like your bad dreams from the night before never ended when the music begins to play before your first cup of coffee. It’s magical.
11. Even if you call it “juice”, water it down, put it in their favorite cup with a twisty straw, and say that everybody loves it, V-8 is still a vegetable at which to be scowled and refused.
12. You think you’re doing things right, though you wonder, when you see your toddler making his stuffed monkey sign, “Yes, Ma’am” after being told to repent for some unthinkable unape-ish infraction.
Ohhh, what a week. . .
The Positive Bit: There’s no day that a glass of “Mommy Juice”, a huge plate of nachos, and Bernie Mac at 7:30 can’t make better.

Family Photos

A good friend (our preacher and his wife) offered to watch both boys today so that I could have a morning off. Since Tim is gone, I haven't had even ten minutes to shower without interuption in about a month, so I was more than ready for a little time-out! I don't know how military moms do this with more than two kids. Really-if they're all under four, where would you put them when you go grocery shopping or the post office? I put C. in the hip carrier and J. in the cart, and it's still chaotic! Alone, I can't imagine more.

Anyway, here are some pictures we took this morning at Amy's, and a couple of other cute random photos. They weren't very cooperative about both looking at the camera and smiling at the same time, but so it goes! I added most of them becuase I thought, "C. looks better in this one, but J. looks better in this one, and I look sick in this one..." so you can decide which ones you like best, Grandparents, and print those! C.'s new favorite thing is puzzles (to chew on the wooden pieces), and he gets a kick out of wearing his new shades. He'll need them for his new forward facing car seat! Can you believe he's old (BIG) enough for that already?!!??

Here's a Native American poem I found in a book at Barnes and Noble today. It's a good reminder that a Mommy and a Daddy are the people that love and care for you. Happy Spring!

"Mother's Song to a Baby"

First

this little baby

has been given life

through the medicine man's song

through the medicine man's prayer

for this baby the songs

have been sung

Next

the baby's mother

has taken care of him

with the songs of the rain gods

This

little baby

in his cloud-cradle

was watched over

by his mother

It

was

nice

how the clouds

came up like foam

and

as if he

was among them

this little baby

was cared for

-Anonymous, Inuit

Sundays

We had a huge attachment breakthrough after church this morning. Normally, when I pick up J. after having left him alone somewhere for awhile, like class or the nursery, he won't come to me. He'll look at me, and then just continue doing whatever he's doing. His face and body language said, "You left, so I found new people. I'm not mad; I'm just here." 

I would have to go get him, take his hand, and he would leave with me without any emotion. But after church this morning I went to the nursery to get the boys. J. was playing with a fire engine on the other side of the room. Once he saw me come in he dropped the fire engine and ran to me! He leaped into my arms and laughed and said, "Ma ma." I was so happy I almost cried! I thought, "He gets it. I'm Mom, I come back, and I'm different from the other adults in the room." I know it doesn't sound like much, but as far as attachment goes, it really was a huge breakthrough! Tonight we go to our small group where he is the best behaved boy in the bunch. Sundays are our favorite days, and we can't wait to share them with Daddy. Timmy, I miss you holding my hand during communion.

And He's Off!

And He's Off!










At 6 months, one week, and 3 days, C. took his first crawls. I was diligently recording C.'s playtime activity the afternoon of the 10th, trying to capture the moment when he figured out that one's knees must move forward for one to crawl. I video taped so much that the battery went dead in the camcorder. And then, not five minutes later, off he went! Sorry, Tim! I tried to catch it, but boys will be boys. He used the new maneuver sparingly for a few days, prefering his old stand-by: the scoot and roll. But today he's been crawling after his toys like he'e been doing it for weeks. Just when I thought I had my hands full, C. became fully mobile! We're proud of him though. He still won't sit up without flopping over after several seconds. I guess he has his priorities right, though: "Who wants to sit when you can move and explore?!"
Here are some pics of C. at his best. Once he has his mind set on something, he is determined to see it through. The teddy bear blanket that his grandpa sent him worked well becuase he was determined to reach the next bear. And when he got tired, he'd plop down and talk to the bear near by. Above is his new pose that he favors when he is being held or in his chair. One arm up, and a sly grin. Just like a teenager!

Who will they be?

"Train a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old, he
will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6.





I have heard this verse interpreted to bear emphasis on the word he, therefore rendering the meaning to say that all children have a different road to walk; a different spiritual gift, a different God-given talent. Then it is the responsibility of the parents to identify and nurture that gift so that each child uses it as God intended. If a child is the star debator, the parents may lead him down roads of public speaking, preaching, teaching, or politics. If the child is mathamatical, the parents may lead the child down roads of logic, problem solving, and money management.

I have also heard this passage interpreted with the emphais on the word should, therefore saying that there is only one way we all should go-the way of God. "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path," Psalm 119:105. It is a parent's responsibility to lead her children down the Way, the lighted Way, and when the children are old, they will remember how to get there and how to navigate through its obstacles. Exegetically, I lean toward the second interpretation. But, there is definately Biblical evidence elsewhere to prove that we are all given different spiritual gifts. (See 1 Corinthians). They may not be the gifts our parents hoped for us, or even the ones we want. I mean, Moses plead a good case to God NOT to be the one to lead His people out of Egypt. "Oh Lord, I have never been eloquent...I am slow of speech and tongue," was the gist of his argument. But he went anyway.

As parents, we have a responsibilty to help our children find their place, find the reason God put them here. Surely it's too early to say that C. will be a mechanic or an engineer, and J. will be a doctor (or a vet since he doesn't go anywhere without pulling that duck behind him!) Though wouldn't it be nice... :) It is fascinating to watch them live their days, however, and monitor in what activities they seek and succeed. I wonder, "What will they be?" And I try to remember that, Lord willing, they will be who He has predetermined.
By the way, the above pics are of
*C. with Tim waxing and tuning up his Land Rover just before he deployed.
*J. with the Dr. kit we got him so he would be better prepared for the extensive Dr. visits he would go to. He loves to play Dr. with his animals. I told him that the monkey needed medicine, so he gave him some Cheerios! That was after the vaccine to the head, which must have worked, because he laughed and laughed about it! I was impressed that he could be so light hearted about vaccines today considering he had to get 6 of them Wednesday to begin getting him caught up to American vaccination standards. He goes back in 8 weeks for more.

Baby C. turned 6 months old yesterday! 6 months is a milestone for any baby, but for an adopted baby under a legal risk placement, 6 months is HUGE! No action taken by any other party from this point on can be considered at C.'s abandonment hearing this Spring, and since no other party has contested his adoption to this point, C.'s finalization should go through without any problem. We've known for awhile that his placement with us was probably definite, but every step we make legally in that direction moves that dark cloud further and further away from our joy-not only for us, but for his birthmother as well. Please continue to pray with us that all the legalities of C.'s placement with us are finished quickly and easily.
C.'s rolling from one end of the room to the other, and getting up on all fours. He moves his hands to crawl, but he hasn't figured out that his knees need to move next. So, he belly flops about fifty times a day. But that doesn't stop him from trying! He sits for a few seconds at a time, then falls over. He can pull himself up on my legs half way, then his upper body bends forward and he looks like an ostrich in a hole! Since he is so strong, this baby has always been a month or so ahead in development. It's fun to watch him reach new goals and push himself to get that toy on the other side of the room. He loves J., and tracks everything that he does. Peas and sweet potatoes are his favorite vegetables, and we're starting fruits next week. There STILL aren't any teeth poking through those bottom gums, and I know it hurts him. If he isn't biting hard on something (including my knuckles) he's fussy. But he still laughs and smiles the majority of the time. He is truly an easy going, happy baby, and we are so blessed to have him in our family.

C., happy 1/2 birthday! You're our angel, and we love you!-Mommy and Daddy

This little boy was sent to me to remind me that with God, we can overcome any obstacle. We may look a little rough and tough around the edges after coming through the fire, but it is truly the Joy of the Lord that is our strength!

"In the world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) "The joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10

A bridge or no bridge?

Do you have a bridge in your nose? I do. In fact, all of us do who are of Caucasion decent. But if you're Asian, you may not. Actually, they have what are refered to as flat or low nose bridges. It isn't something I would usually notice in a person; between Asians and Caucasions I notice the eye differences primarily. Though, in SE Asia, I've experienced that many Asians see the differences in our noses more prominently than we Caucasions do, especially in regions where white people rarely visit. I've walked down the streets of Rangoon, and through villages in Cambodia where adults would belly laugh at me and make a gesture over their noses that says, "Look at that huge nose!" They think it's hilarious. And in the mood of celebrating differences, I laugh with them. After all, I don't have the best nose. I mean, it works OK, but it is a little prominent on my otherwise small face.
Interestingly enough, my nose has also been of much concern to my new Filipino son. He started pushing my nose down, trying to flatten it, the day he met me. For nearly two weeks, after any time that he would take a good long look at me, he'd attempt to flatten my nose. It just didn't look right to him. It is kind of funny. But, I wonder what else hasn't looked right. He's eaten the American food, worn a coat and hat; he hasn't compared our skin tones, or tried to narrow my eyes. But there was something about my nose...
Today was the first day he hasn't tried to flatten it. It sounds insignificant, but it felt that a real sign of acceptance. It was like his way of saying, "I'm Filipino, you're not-so what. You're my mom."
Coincidently, this breakthrough of accepting my nose came after an especially difficult day yesterday. The poor guy woke up from his afternoon nap, looked around, looked at me, and started to cry. It wasn't an "I'm hungry" cry, or a "You're not getting me out of this bed fast enough" cry. It was a deep, sad, big tear cry. It was the grieving that I had read about that would happen when an adopted toddler suffers the loss of his birthparent or caretaker when being placed with an adoptive family. He had shown definite signs of fear and confusion previously, but this was the first time I saw his truly sad. J. isn't normally a cuddly child. He likes to play and be held in order to get to point B, but he doesn't choose to snuggle up in my lap, hold on, and read a book. Unless he's sad. After his nap yesterday, his buried his head in my shoulder and cried for quite a while. He looked at me, touched my face like C. does, like a blind person trying to "see" a stranger, tried to flatten my nose, and cried and cried. Though he doesn't speak, I knew what was wrong: He was homesick.
I put him on my lap and took out a photo album with pictures of him and the nuns from his orphanage. He put his tiny fingers under the photo lamination pages to touch the nun's faces, and smiled, and laughed and cried all at the same time. I let him sit on my lap and hold those pictures as long as he chose. He touched the nun's face who was in charge of the orphanage nursery for nearly five minutes. After awhile, he turned to me with dry eyes. I asked him, "Love Mama?" and he gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek. Then he signed that he was hungry, and was back to his normal self.
J. has a long, sad journey behind him, and an even longer one ahead of him. However, the paths to come have much more hope in them, Lord willing, than the ones he's been down before. I guess for him, one step on this grieving, exciting, confusing, loving, frustrating road he's on was to accept my nose. And he did that. So, how bad can tomorrow be?
(The picture is of J. with a rain stick I bought for him from his homeland. Like me, he loves the sound of rain).

Pictures-AGAIN!

J.: "We have to take pictures again?"
C.: "Yeah-she does this all the time. And remember, she doesn't stop until it's perfect. And new guy-if you keep me here all day they'll be revenge. You're not getting any of my carrots at dinner. I know it'll be hard with a face like that, but just follow my lead and it'll be over real soon. Come on-like me. Look cute."
C.: "Wait a minute...you're going to need some help. Here-lift your lips up, like this, and look right into the camera."
J.: "How does this look?"
C.: "OK-hold it right there and we may have something."

C.: "Oh, new guy, you've got a lot to learn... This lady does NOT do goofy. You've got to be cool and natural, like me. I told you-think cute."

C.: "Time out, Mom-we need a minute to confer. OK, new guy, just listen to me. I'll tell you how it's done."
J.: "I'll do whatever you say. Just make it end."

J.: "How's this?"
C.: "That's better, but it's taking so much of my energy to get it out of you that you made me forget to smile. One more. And do it right; I'm seeing spots."

C.: "Perfect!"
J.: "This lady's crazy."
C.: "Yeah-but as long as you smile, she's happy, so keep it up. You may even get some of my carrots."

Current Family Photos-February

Happy February from Tim, Tiffany, J. and C.!
This is a long post, but I'm over jet-lag enough now to fully share our experience in the Philippines picking up J. There are a couple of pictures of C. too, of course! But most of this is dedicated to our time in the Philippines. Feel free to comment with-well-comments, and questions! I know people have been calling and stopping by with all sorts of questions. I'm awake enough now to answer them! Hope you had a wonderful Valentines' Day!

This is me sitting with the sisters, case workers, and Dr.'s going over all of J.'s information before we met him. We were given a month by month Life Book with pictures covering his entire time at the orphanage. He will treasure that later. It took quite a while to go over all of the medical information with the Dr. Though I was anxious to meet J. (we could hear him playing in the other room during this meeting), this was one meeting that I did not want to rush. I knew it would be very important to know what time he went to bed, what vegetables he likes, what comforts him, and what his last X-rays showed once we got home.





I'm so glad that I read books on toddler adoption, and spoke with other adoptive families before making this trip. I know many adopters of toddlers expect the little one to run into their arms yelling, "Mommy! You've come to save me!" at first sight. Well, far different is reality! I was a stranger, and J. was taught well-don't go to strangers. It took some aquainting, pleading, bribing, tricking, and coersing to get him to come to me. A sister he trusted, J. and I played with a truck I brought him. Then we played peek-a-boo under a table. He wouldn't let me hold him, so the sister suggested that she take his feet and I take his arms and we carry him together. Then he'd hold my hand. He took me all around the orphanage grounds to show me the fish pond. And finally, he let me hold him. But it wasn't without a few, "If you touch me, I'm gonna punch you!" moments. (See above). I think we had one of those today actually after he threw his apple on the floor and got put in time-out... oh the joy of toddlers! The tee-shirt he had on when I met him, the one in the pictures, says, "When God Made Me He Was Just Showing Off." I agree!
Finally! After about an hour, he let me hold him without arching his back, reaching for the sisters, or crying! Now we only have to make it to America! The sad taxi ride away from the orphanage. He clung to me like this for at least 24 hours, and made a pitiful sound that sounded like a hurt cat. It was very bittersweet. I wished more than anything that I could replace his limited 2 year old understanding of what was happening to him with mine. He stopped making that sound after we got to our house in America. The fingerprints at the Inter-Country Adoption Board that made him officially no longer an orphan, and our son (pending the 6 month probationary period, the US courts, the paperwork in the States, etc...). Irregardless-a very important fingerprint! It's what got him through immigration at the first US stop we made coming home.


Out and about in Manila. I chose to have his hair cut in Manila so that the stylist spoke his language and could try to ease his fears. He was still terrified,but he didn't scream.




We made it home, and we've been shutter happy trying to catch all of the cute moments. EVERYTHING is new to him, from carpet to telephones, microwaves to soccer balls, geese to cold weather, etc...He is constantly pointing and grunting, "What's that?" He loves this monkey puppet that makes a monkey sound, and of course-bubbles. He had a great time at the park this afternoon, and refused to eat anything but McDonalds and chocolate chip cookies all day. (I even offered rice). But I guess even if rice is all you know, it's impossible to pass up chocolate chip cookies! He's getting better at listening to Dad on the phone. And we made sure to get him out with the soccer ball immediately! (Just for Tim).



Here are some picures of a day we took out of Manila. The waterfalls are at Pagsanjan, about 2 hours south of Manila. We rode in a dug out canoe that a Filipino "boatman" oared and footed for lack of a better word through the rapids, rocks and jungle until we reached a 70 foot waterfall. It was beautiful to see the foliage, hear the birds, watch the monkeys jump on the trees (can you find the monkey in the picture??), and feel the cool water. This was the day before we got J., so he wasn't with us.
C. is growing up big and strong too! He still loves the bath, and is one of the two most handsome boys in the world-not that I'm biased... And toddler make three! We cannot wait for Dad to get home! Mom leaves tomorrow, and I'm really wondering how this is going to work alone. But we;ll find a way. At least J. and C. are getting along better. J. rushed to get C.'s pacifier when he was crying this afternoon, and rocked his bouncy chair to calm him down. He even hugged C. goodnight, and they held hands in their car seats coming home from errands! Yeah! They like each other-for the most part. They at least can stand each other long enough to sit with Mommy for a picture. Hurry home, Daddy! The house is loud and crazy, but lonely, without you.