Meet the Bulldozer

No harm could come from a little one with a face like this, right?

Wrong! Just wait until he doesn't get his way and he swings at you. Or he doesn't want to hold your hand, so he bites it. Or he doesn't want his diaper changed, so he kicks you in the gut. Or he doesn't want to be held, so he head butts you so hard you think your nose is broke. Shall I go on?

Even here-see it? That mischieviousness in the eyes and grin? He goes from this (L) to this (R) in five seconds or less. Impressive.

Help. My son is a brute, and I have the bite marks to prove it.

Don't get me wrong and think he's a little sociopath. C. isn't much worse than the average male toddler. I've even met little girls who were far worse. Far worse. Like Gabriella from daycare. She was 14 months old, and not a day went by where she didn't manage to rip a chunk of hair out of the scalp of another toddler. And if that didn't get her her way, she bit, drew blood and laughed about it. No apologies. And there's one of J.'s peers at preschool who hits kids on the head with heavy objects whenever the teacher isn't looking and then lies about it.

At least C.'s outbursts are motivated by logical frustrations: I want that toy; I don't want to go to bed; I don't like this food, etc... And he ALWAYS gives his victims big hugs and kisses and says he's sorry. No, no! Not sociopathic. Remorseful and compassionate.

I've taken enough child development classes to know that this is a phase all toddlers go through that is spurred by lack of verbal expression and one year old maturity. I mean if you only had the know-with-all of a one year old, couldn't speak more than five words, and someone took your cool new race car, what would you do? Naturally, go hit him upside the head with a block. Still, it's hard for a mother to watch her son use his immense physical strength, determination, and independence in hurtful ways.

We've tried time-out, swats on the hand (though swatting for swatting quickly become a fun game for him, and frankly this kid is so strong I cry mercy long before he does). I've ignored it when he's attacked for attention and overly praised positive behavior. If I had a quarter for everytime I said, "Gentle touch," I'd be a millionaire. Our last tactic: the baby doll. He says, "Baby DaDa" (a concept he came up with all on his own, by the way). Somedays he won't leave the room without that baby, feeds the baby, puts the hat on the baby, covers the baby with a blanket, buckles her into the car seat... He is very gentle with the baby. If I were the psychologist Tim is I'd say he was acting out some replacement issues about Tim leaving, but I won't go there. The point is: he's sweet with that baby all the time. He's sweet with real people about 90% of the time. And that remaining 10% is rough! Maybe if the baby told him to eat his carrots he'd pinch her too. Who knows.

So moms, what have you done in this phase that worked? Anything? Or do I just wait for the verbal to catch up with the emotional, and the phase passes? Actually, I think it's better than it was 6 months ago, though he is much stronger now so the outbursts seem worse. Regardless, I'll take any idea you have to prevent one more head butt to the nose!