Life Books

I know I've waited too long to update when I'm getting private emails from people requesting that I update the blog... Sorry. It's been busy.

I've been asked about Life Books by several people at adoption conferences, online, and from friends, so I'll use this post to address the issue.

A Life Book is basically the baby book for the adopted child. Any adopted child can have a Life Book, even if he or she did not enter into your family as a baby.

Life Books differ from baby books in that they include more adoption related pages. Any adoptive mother or father who has shopped Target for a baby book knows what I'm talking about. I don't need the "The Day We Found Out We Were Pregnant" page, the "The Story of Your Birth" page or the "Do I Look Like Mommy or Daddy" page. Though I DO need a "My Birth Family Family Tree" page, a "Why You Chose Me" page, and a "Tell Me About My Nationality" page. There are many other nuances that vary between a traditional baby book and a Life Book as well. For example, if your adopted child come home at age two, like J. did, then you don't want a blank page in a baby book asking for information about first smile, first steps, first words and first birthday parties. It's depressing enough knowing that we've missed these treasured moments with our children without adding a blank baby book page to the mix, and so blantantly reminding our children that much of their past lives are a mystery.

Life Books specific to adoption can be purchased online at

http://www.adoptshoppe.com/lifebooks.html

http://www.adoptionshop.com/

http://www.thedreamkidz.com/catalog/Adoption-Lifebooks-and-Adoption-Memory-Books-p-1-c-250.html

http://www.tapestrybooks.com/AdoptionLifeBooks.html

The Tapestry website is THE place to buy adoption related children's books as well. They even have board books for the little ones that address adoption clearly, simply, and positively. Check out classics like "A Mother for Choco", "A Blessings from Above" or "Brown Like Me." Those are some of J. and C.'s favorites.

Back to Life Books (also called Memory Books)... You can purchase one from the above mentioned sites. Some of them even have scrapbooking kits with adoption themes that will give you more creativity than a pre-formulated Life Book will. Though for some, having most of the work done for us is a bonus, not a hinderance upon one's creativity! I bought a Life Book for J. while I was waiting for him to come home. Eventually, I scrapped it and went out to buy a blank scrap book. I'm the kind of person that has to have FULL artistic freedom, and a pre-arranged Life Book didn't allow me that. I did the same thing for C., and I have begun work on baby number three's book. No, it's never too early to start one! Pages like, "What is Adoption?" "Why We Chose Africa" (or wherever), "Your Adoptive Family Family Tree" and "The Journey to You" can all be started before the child comes home.

Some of you are waiting a LONG time for God to bring your child home. His timing is the best timing, and that is easier to remember when we're busy. So, while you wait, start a Life Book for your new child. It is invaluable for him or her to have information about his or her past, choosing, purpose, and journey. He can look at the Life Book alone when he's ten years old if he doesn't feel up to having a face-to-face conversation yet. He can refer to it for school projects-yes, the dreaded Family Tree project.... He can pick it up when he's a teen-ager and read pages like "About My Homeland" when his normal identity crisis has reached new peaks, and he's searching for a sense of self. Life Books spur conversation, instill identity, and remind your child that he or she is here for a purpose. Not to mention, he can see that moments are, and always have been, treasured with that child, whenever they get to be celebrated, just as with any other child.

J. loves to get out his Life Book and bring it to me to read to him. From conversations through this book alone he knows that he grew in Mommy L.'s tummy. He didn't grow in Mommy's tummy. Both Mommies love him very much. Mommy L. went to Heaven with Jesus (I included a whole separate page titled, "What Is Heaven" for this); he knows he needed a new Mommy. I'm his new Mommy, Tim is his new Daddy, and we will be his Mommy and Daddy forever. No matter what. Like these simple sentences, write your Life Book at a child's level so he or she can read it and understand it.Our most precious Life Book moment was when we were looking at a picture on the "My Life at the Orphanage" page. There is a picture of J. on a blanket in the orphanage nursery surrounded by 23 babies-all significantly younger than him. J. is turned to face the camera and look very sad. We were looking at this page a few weeks ago and J. said to me, "Mommy, J. sad. J. miss C." Though at the time of the photograph J. didn't know C. even existed, but they are so close now that J. just KNEW that's why he was sad then. He didn't have his brother with him.

Is there information NOT to include in a Life Book? I'd say, "yes", but that's up to you. There are definately things that I left out of both J. and C.'s books; things that are better discussed when they are much older. Things that relatives and friends don't need to read about when they pick up the Life Book at a family reunion. Things that protect the privacy of your child.

"Your life and your journey is POSITIVE and God directed "was an ongoing theme in the books I did.

There's a lot more I could add here, but I'll leave it at that. If you have questions about Life Books, refer to the above links or ask me in the comments section below. Happy Life Booking!